I waited to post this until tonight (rather than on Saturday as I usually do) due to some pretty important things. Mostly, it would be my first night in a Hostel, and I'm now staying there for GDC, the Game Developer's Conference. I'm absolutely blown away by the comradery of this place, it's unbelievable. Today after a short conversation with two people, I was invited to the Tonga Room in a nearby hotel, a pacific island themed resteraunt. Had an amazing time, and discussed numerous topics ranging from sexuality, to morality, to how to identify with people, to race politics and culture. I'll probably post on these things at a later date, but it is not the topic I wish to pick up tonight. No, tonight I wish to talk about the natural ability of humans to make friends. Even in completely random situations.
Why is that? Why can we humans make such quick and fast relationships? Especially in places that are, by their very nature, places of transition. Buses, planes, trains, and here in a hostel where people stay only temporarily. It is an amazing experience. I think it has something to do with the break down of ideas and boundaries, in this place with four beds per room, each a cubical without a ceiling to separate it from the other bunk rooms, each in one of the single floor bunk rooms (2nd, 3rd, and Fourth, with the 1st floor being a Chinese restaurant). We have so little in the way of normal boundaries, that to become at ease with these complete strangers, we are, in a way, forced to learn more about them, to become friendly, to establish friends, and to live as best we can given the circumstances.
I wonder if that's not always the case during transitions for humans. Times of transition are periods where strange things happen, where our normal laws and rules are obliterated, and the only constant is change. We find that the conventions we can normally depend on in an artificial area, are no longer applicable, privacy is a luxury, not a right, and we cannot be sure of anything that we own will remain our own without protecting it (both in padlocked lockers, and in forming bonds of friendship with those around us so they will not attempt to steal from us).
I agree that it is very interesting the time, place and how people form relationships and connections is very interesting. I think you bring up an interesting perspective when you say "Times of transition are periods where strange things happen, where our normal laws and rules are obliterated, and the only constant is change." I think times of transition are often when you are most capable of developing new connections because of the vulnerability. I believe that the majority of people during these times are looking for feelings such as comfort and reassurance. I think individuals highly value shared experiences.
ReplyDeleteTimes of transition are also times usually associated with something new or something fun. You were staying in a hostel because you were at a gaming conference that you were probably looking forward to for a long time. People on planes are usually heading on some sort of trip and lots of time a vacation that they are excited about. The good mood associated with these times makes us more outgoing, more interested in others, more willing to let people become interested in us. I think this could explain part of it.
ReplyDeleteBut what is interesting is that I usually find myself less willing to make friends in transitional situations. I know I'm only going to be with these people for a short period of time so I just kind of keep to myself, doubting any significant relationship will form. Once the person next to me on the plane exits the terminal, I might as well never see them again. But I like your perspective more. Sure, I might not create life long relationships with these people, but that doesn't mean that we can't learn from each other during our short time together. Next time I'm in one of these situations, I think I'm going to try to be a little more open.
-chunder